This is a journey about living on the autism spectrum, recovering from mental illness and dealing with this together with God. This combination is no problem for God, but does create a lot of confusion for me and people around me.
Many have walked before me and many will walk after me. We have the same destination, but the road to get there can be very different. We have all met the same savior, but our stories are not identical. We are all called to tell about Him, but in different ways.
He meets us today in the same way as we can read about how different people met Him in different ways 2000 years ago. His creativity has no limit. We try to lock Him up in different patterns we want Him to walk in, but He is freedom and cannot be detained in a box.
In one of Pauls letters to Timothy: ”Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, the offspring of David, as preached in my gospel, for which I am suffering, bound with chains as a criminal. But the word of God is not bound!”
It is a challenge to go against the flow. I have fought to understand what is happening around me, people around me and myself. I have struggled the most with trying to understand God. To be able to understand I have listened to how other people perceive Him and not listened to Him myself. I am the only one responsable for that.
When I started to turn myself towards Him for myself I saw what I had done, but in the light of His forgiveness. This has lead me to be able to accept life. The love He has for me and His creation is the only reason I continue my journey.
Whatever I write here, remember that I am on a journey and in a growing process. I am not the truth and I am not God. The Holy Spirit was sent to lead you into the truth. Not I nor any other person. I only write what I perceive so you can know He wants to be with you in your life. This includes everyone. He is not partial, but fair in all He does. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” You need to read everything together with Him. He can show you what to listen to and what not to.
The other day I read a post from a woman across the Atlantic Sea and we experienced the same encounter with God. This shows me that in all our uniqueness and with all our differences God is the same. He can, despite culture, age, color, sex, autism and everything else show us His thoughts and receive we perceive Him the same way. Only God can do that. When we see just a glimmer of His light it is often enough for us to understand that we have met our Creator. Do I know Him? I belong to the fortunate ones as I can read His word and do it in peace, but no one can know the depth of God. No one can see what is unseen. We can assume, find truths within the Word that assures us that He is the one speaking, but we are in need of something more. We are in need of life.
Without His life I am lost and have always been. Today I have life and I am found. I know that He will show me what I need to see of all the things I ask Him to reveal to me.
At present I live together with my husband and our dog, Raiden, in a small village, Finnerödja, in between Sweden’s two biggest lakes. It’s beautiful here. I grew up in the middle of the capital of Sweden and that is far from the surroundings I have today. I have lived in many places and I have no real home anywhere. I have things somewhere, but I have never stayed in one place long enough to grow roots there. My soul has been restless. Always seeking.
Today I can say I am no longer restless and that is why I can share my struggles with you with boldness. I’m free. Today I have no depression, no anxiety and no panic. I’m at peace with me being who I was created to be. This is all new to me. Something I have never thought would be possible. Do I struggle? Every day. The difference is that my soul is flooded with light.
Join me as I live my life and travel back to experiences I have had seeing things through grace instead of law.
If you want to ask me something or share something with me please feel free to contact me or large a comment. I will answer as fast as I can.