The same moment I realized that the truth was not in me or within any other person but was Jesus an intensive search began after who He is and what He is really saying. And I have been searching! I have searched in the Bible, in different theologies, in life stories, in experiences. I have seen glimpses of Him and then He seems to dissolve. Like a magician who magically makes himself disappear in front of his audience. This search has created a deep darkness and fear that has taken root in the depth of my soul like a dark monster. This monster has surfaced as lasting depressions.
The day I held a talk on Skype with a friend will be remembered for ever. We talked about our experiences having PTSD and eating disorder. After the talk I sent a mail to her thanking her as she had told such a captivating story from her life. When I sent the mail there was this well known swisch sound when the mail left me and entered into cyberspace. In the same moment a similar swisch sound was heard and the darkness within left me. It didn’t even take a millisecond.
Since then darkness has been replaced by conversations with Him. I hear and see but at the same time I don’t. He never walkes away from the words within the Bible, but the word is suddenly alive. Yesterday I described this for a friend and she said it was similar to her experience. ”It is the Holy Spirit”, she said.
How do you hear Him who is not seen or heard in person but alive? Listen, look and tell.
An early morning
”I am the truth. I will always lead you in truth. No one else can. When you had faith in me taking the place that was yours the day I was nailed to the cross – the day I died, when you opened your heart for me so I could take my home within you truth moved in. Truth will never leave you. No one and nothing can snatch you out of my hand now.
I will always show you the way that is best for you, but I will never force you to walk in truth. You will always be able to walk in the way of right and wrong. To choose my way involve courage and courage comes out of trust. The more you trust me the the greater the courage and the clearer my path will be to you.
I will never disclose anything to others what you refuse to tell me or what you have revealed to me. I will never tell you anything about other peoples choices, thoughts or secrets. I will lead you through darkness and in light.
People will encounter your blindness and you will encounter theirs and your own, but I am right by your side. You see different things of the same thing. They see your outside. You see theirs. They see your surface in the same way you see theirs. You see the inside of the container. The worn, that which is eroded and soon will break. They see theirs. When you break be honest and forgive their reactions. Forgive them and forgive yourself for not being able to see in the dark. Forgive the same way as I have forgiven you. I will light up your path one step at a time. I’m always ready to lift you up when you fall.
Learn to hear the sound of my voice in the midst of everything else. You have my word to guide you in what is truth and what is not. I will never depart from the sum of my word. I am the way. I am the truth. I am the light. Do not be afraid.”