Suddenly it is filled up. The brain feels like burning lava that has to come out. Nothing more can be added in. The only thing I want to do is to bang my head into something hard so that my scalp splits and the lava can run freely. Walls and floors made of concrete are especially tempting. The feeling of my brain burning is so real. For me it’s all about putting out that fire.
One of times we moved from one home to another and I did everything really fast and all at once I heart my head (I had to go to the hospital for it). The last time it happened I really needed someone to forcefully put a stop to what I was doing not agreeing to me working more. I was in desperate need for someone to calm me down. Today I know I cannot count on anyone to help me and at the same time I can’t do this on my own.
This is the most difficult insight that has hit me in my life as well as it has shown me my need for others to help me. It is a bittersweet piece of knowledge. When we speak about this in a terminology using words like diagnosis, symptoms and assistance it often produces a lot of words and theories Actually it is about having the courage to meet other human being who is in deep anguish.